Danny was 49
when he lost his dad,
after a long, slow
debilitating
descent,
but while he was alive
Ed saw his son
marry his love,
make a beautiful baby,
become a tenured professor,
make a home,
resolve any unfinished business,
and he saw his son
as a man.
John was also 49
when he too lost his dad,
after another long, slow
debilitating
descent,
but while he was alive,
John Sr. saw his son
find his perfect partner,
build a home together
also became a tenured professor,
also make a home,
resolve any unfinished business,
and he too
got to saw his son
as a man.
But, Pop, I was 35
when that dormant
heart disease took you.
I was still immature,
unfocused and
self-righteously selfish,
living from
one hedonistic decision
to the next.
However since your death,
I married
the beloved daughter-in-law,
and adopted
the treasured grandchildren
you never got to meet.
We made a home
and I know you would've
loved the view
from the back patio.
I've made a modest
but respectable career
as a college dean,
and if I play my cards right,
I'll be able to retire
with my house paid off
in a decade or so.
Sometimes I regret
that you never
knew me as the man
that I am today,
the man
I would have never
become
if your
sudden death hadn't
forced me
to grow up and
become a man.
[This is a continuation of the poem last week. Bea was married to Ed, John Sr. was married to Willie, and Dan was married to Pat. Written and posted for #OpenLinkNight at www.dversepoets.com - where I am thankful for the support and love of the community.]
Strong writing here, Mosk. I think many of us would like our (deceased) parents to see us as we are today. Both of my parents also left way too soon. I like to think that somehow they know I am doing just fine & would be proud of me today...as your dad would be of you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, for your comment and the lind assumption.
Deletedef mixed feelings there in the end...his death being the catalyst for your change...i imagine that he looks in on you occassionally you know....smiles.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. If he hadn't died, I might've stayed the mess I was.
DeleteGreat wistful poem Mosk! It made me wonder what I will want to tell my parents once they are no longer here. I hope that what I do with the rest of my life makes me feel they would be proud just as you feel your dad would.
ReplyDeleteThanks, and all I can say is never have any unfinished business, because Death is one surprising phenomena!
Deleteoh i wish he could've seen you... could have played with his grand kids...it's tough to lose the parents so early... my dad died when i was 17..
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for you - I had my Dad twice as long as you did and that's still half as long as I wanted. Thanks.
DeleteIndeed.. the last sentence sum it up perfectly .. when your father dies you have to grow up to be a man (if not before).. my own father died before I was 40 (as he was quite old becoming a father)... I would have enjoyed talking to him and seeing the life we have made... very touching poem...
ReplyDeleteSo lovely to want to share your successes with those who would so have loved to them. Wonderful poem.
ReplyDeleteThanks, part of it was to show him that I didn't end up a bum living in my car - which is what I thought he thought of me.
DeleteWonderful poem.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteSons and fathers. And all the strange gifts we share, too soon and too late. This is so well crafted, and a beautiful tribute. Taking my hat off...
ReplyDeleteThis gave me a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. Dang. Good on you for becoming that man Mosk.
ReplyDelete"if your
ReplyDeletesudden death hadn't
forced me
to grow up and
become a man."
Powerful stuff, Mosk. My dad died when I was five so this poem really resonated with me. I do my best down here to make him proud up there. Wonderful poem.
I saw my dad's death coming from a long way off and it still knocked me flat for awhile. It's good that you made it matter and that you make beautiful poetry from the loss.
ReplyDeleteI'm losing my mom to that long, slow, debilitating descent. This really moved me, Mosk.
ReplyDeleteTo be orphaned as a young adult is always traumatic. I am comforted by memories, rather than regretting what was lost along with my parents. Your poem made me look at it differently, less selfishly. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAch, painful yet thought-provoking - wonder what might have been, the regret of too late. Very touching.
ReplyDeletea family tree poeticized...and most touching :) ~jackie~
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. My dad is gone over five years now. I would like to think that he is seeing you from above.
ReplyDeletemoving and thought-provoking ~
ReplyDeleteI lost my dad at the same age as you. He got to meet the kids though, that helped.
ReplyDeleteI think he loved you for who you were, and who you could be. That's how dad's work.
ReplyDeleteI really wanted my grandmother to meet my children, but she died almost ten years before they were born. I know it isn't even remotely the same thing, but your poem made me think about her and the yearning I still get sometimes when they do something funny that she would have loved.
ReplyDeleteCan't read this without tears.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't get to see his son's children grow-up or meet all of them.
He met his baby girl's babies when they were just babies. Who would've thought the baby would have babies so young? Her babies, left without grandparents.
His legacy carried on through his sons— those uncles. His baby-girl, here in this heart.
Thank you for reminding me she was lost...
B
Thanks for your kind words.
Delete