The Soft Core Deep in my Soul

There is a small,
soft core
deep in my soul,
where my shame 
and embarrassment live,
and I haven’t been able
to banish him
from who I am.

I’ve covered him 
with a shell of
confidence and competence
but he still
endures.

All these years 
of acting like he wasn’t there
or that he wasn’t 
important
are taking their toll.

Now,
he is demanding attention,
respect,
and he threatens
to expose my secret
self,
with tears that will not 
stay hidden
and feelings that will not
relent.

I am held hostage 
by these emotions,
unpleasant and embarrassing
as they are.

I keep trying
to float back in memory
to understand his genesis,
but like a dream,
fog-like
it slips away
just when I think
it is within my grasp.

He didn’t do anything
wrong
but he still feels 
shame and embarrassment.

Whoever he is
I need to make peace
with him.