Tuesday, March 20, 2012

To Rachel’s Prospective Suitors

Please turn off
that clicking beeping whirring gadget
and put your eyes here.

Here’s what you need to know
before taking out my daughter tonight:

When you talk to me
please look me in the eye.
I don’t expect you to have all
the answers,
but I expect thoughtfulness.

Please pull your pants
up to your waist.
She doesn't want to see your underwear.
That stopped being stylish
around the year you were born.

If you watch pornography,
stop it.
My daughter is not to be used
as the bull’s-eye for your ejaculate,
swallower of your semen,
or fulfillment of your digitized fantasies.
If you want that,
marry her,
then that’ll be your negotiation.

You may be a player,
but my daughter isn’t a game
with which to be toyed.

If I ask you about your future,
don’t get all weirded out.
I can learn a lot about who
you are
by learning
where you’re headed.

Also,
when you take her out 

you are to be 
her unpaid bodyguard,
treating her so royally
that other women upon seeing you
should wish you were
their date.

Please
do not ask my daughter
to pay for any of the
first five dates,
and please have a driver’s license
and a reliable car.
If she wanted a child
to take care of
she would’ve had one.

I don’t mind if you have body art,
pierced anything,
earrings, nose rings,
but if it’s the first thing
I notice about you
then you’ve done something wrong.

Also, please never refer to her as
a “Bitch,” “Ho” or “Man.”

Her name is Rachel
and she is my daughter.


(Written for http://dversepoets.com/ #OpenLinkNight)

55 comments:

  1. hell yes dad...this needs to be posted in boys locker rooms and handed out to dads to pass around on first dates....i am so glad i have boys...but i will def hold them to the same standards...

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    1. Thanks Dad. Boys are easier in this regard only.

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    2. Good idea to pass out copies, I want to give a couple to my boys.

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  2. I hear your concerns loud and clear and echo them...esp. that first line!!! PUT THAT PHONE-GADGET-THING-A-MA-JIG AWAY when I'm talking to you!

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    1. Yes, my son is the worst offender of that.

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  3. Perfect, Mosk... really, this should be printed out and given to all boys who want to date my daughter.

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    1. By all means, just replace your daughter's name with Rachel's.

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  4. oh this made me smile...ya know...having two daughters that age myself...oh how we want to protect them...and even more the father...yep...i like...a lot..

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    1. Believe it or not, I think my daughter thinks I'm a cream puff. I tell her, not only do I know what these rotten no-good skeevy guys are up to, I used to be their President.

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  5. I am so pleased someone still thinks like this!

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    Replies
    1. Never thought this way until Rachel told me how some of the guys who I "trusted" treated her.

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  6. nothing more terrifying to a dad than daughters dating. Well said sir.

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    1. Especially when she's beautiful. Thanks.

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  7. I am the mother of 2 daughters--one is 22 and the other is 25--I so relate to this piece--Please pass this piece to every guy who "hangs" with a girl--Amen--and Thank you!

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    1. Thank you -share this with your daughters as a list of things not to compromise on. And no dating guys without a car or a job! Grow up, boys! And get some long pants already!

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  8. Oh, I am so with you on all of this. My soon-to-be 16 year old girl can't wait to start dating. I've held off allowing her to date until she's 16 so, she's raring to go. But, I do agree, boys should respect a girl and her parents, if he doesn't well then, he's not up to much and not going to get very far in life, is he.
    Well said!

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    1. Thanks! 16 y.o. boys nowadays are real pigs, esp. if they've had hardcore porn sent to them on their smartphones. They expect girls to be porn actresses. Tell her don't be in such a hurry to be grown-up - once you leave innocence, you can't go back.

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  9. Replies
    1. Thanks, just trying to smarten up the youth of the world.

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  10. Thank you, I just showed this to my young daughter...Of course, I agree with you on all counts ~ I don't trust young boys with raging libidos ~

    Happy spring day ~

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  11. Thanks-I was thinking it might be a bit harsh for a young daughter, but hell, I'd rather they be shocked and forewarned than just shocked and compliant. - thanks - Mosk

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  12. So true indeed, not harsh at all as the warning should be be there. young boys aren't to be trusted and the "bitch" "ho" etc, ones are just idiots to begin with.

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  13. I say add this to the curriculum in every jr. high and high school. I know I certainly plan on echoing a very similar sentiment when my daughter begins dating. Great piece!

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    1. And to their prospective dates too! Thanks!

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  14. good advice... i sure hope he listens. and i agree, every young man should have to read this.

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    Replies
    1. Or at least be told it. Thanks.

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  15. youch! lots of sting in this, glad I don't have kids ~ Rose

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    1. Sting is a good consequence of this! I didn't have any kids until I was 39, and then blammo! a wife and kids in on fell swoop! They're worth it though. Thanks!

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  16. I wish I'd had some of those lines to say when my daughter's suitors came a courting. Kids these days think its even an affront to have to meet the father until things are already underway! Great poem, one that should be tacked on every daughter's mirror. Loved these lines:

    If you want that,
    marry her,
    then that’ll be your negotiation.

    If that's not a bit of wisdom of the ages, I don't know what is!

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    1. Thanks, the poem's purpose is twofold:

      school these boys who obviously didn't have a good strong male influence, and

      remind these girls that they are jewels and should be treated as such.

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  17. Also, please never refer to her as
    a “Bitch,” “Ho” or “Man.”

    Thank you. I just got into a discussion last night about the derogatory names for women used in slang. Won't go into it all except to say I'm appalled by how many people think it's ok and even cool. WTH?
    Anyway, cool poem and esp because it shows respect for women in general and your kid in particular. Love that. You're pretty cool, Mosk.

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    1. Thanks, Zouxzoux

      No, it ain't cool -would they call their Grandma those names?

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  18. You're scaring me. Thank god mine is only 9! But still, additional shotguns were purchased as soon as she learned how to smile.

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    1. Yes, but blink twice and BAM she's all grown up! Shotguns as props are good deterrents as well.

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  19. The 5th degree we all wish we could really give to our children's suitors!

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    Replies
    1. I'm going to! Why not? I'm entitled! So are you!

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  20. This is better than the "Application to Date My Daughter" that was floating around the email circuit a few years ago.

    Your concerns about sexuality and frankly and honestly expressed. Also, the "unpaid security guard" was wonderful, and the references to slang as well.

    Rachel is lucky to have such a wonderful dad. Tell her Aunt Amy From Anudda Mudda says so! Love you, brudda, Ameleh

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    1. Thanks Ameleh, I'm lucky to have her as well.

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  21. Oh, how I love this! The protective dad, reminding boys and men to be respectful of their women, cherish them. This poem should be made a poster and nailed to every tree in every community across the nation. Bravo!

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    1. Thanks! Protective men are needed, as there are so many devious and dangerous men out there.

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  22. I always wanted a daughter, but it wasn't to be. However, my older brother has two; one didn't marry until she was almost 30, and her sister is still single. My brother succeeded in scaring off all comers! He succeeded in scaring me off, too. I had the audacity to give my older niece a copy of "Archy & Mehitabel", which was duly returned at his command, as being subversive. That's me, honey chile, doing my best for the cause! ;-)

    But this piece isn't mere huff and puff. It's loving and thoughtful and wise. If there really is a Rachel, she knows she's treasured.

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    1. I had to look up A&M and now I want to read some of them. Thanks for the tip. I'm not trying to scare, but just aggressively inform and educate.

      Yes, my Rachel is very real, and I hope she knows she's treasured.

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  23. I enjoyed reading this!
    I'm on the other side of this "daughter" thing, as I have a son, and this works both ways. My son is kind and generous to a fault, flowers, gifts, dinners out, treating a young lady like she should be treated. And he has been hurt more than once by conniving young women who would take advantage of him. When I meet a young lady for the first time I also size them up. Is she smart, is she able to stand on her own two feet, or looking for someone to pay her way? Does she respect herself and not throw herself at every guy she sees? Is she open and honest & able to look ME in the eye?
    None of us wants to see our child hurt or taken advantage of, no matter what their age. Guess that's just called "being a parent!!"

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    1. True indeed. I am just as concerned that there are many young ladies out there who will completely exploit young men and their out of control hormones. When my son has been hurt by women/girls, it just tears my heart out too. Maybe I'll write a version for the young females suitors too.

      Thanks!

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  24. Oh my! My daughter just turned 16 yesterday, and I'm dreading everything your poem addresses! Thankfully, she thinks high school guys are idiots and immature and has no interest in them. She'd better not bring home a college guy!

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    1. Yes, that's the flip side, those college men, or worse older guys who haven't been to college and have no future! Oy!

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  25. Mosk, what an honest and forthright poem. Your daughter is fortunate to have you as a father; even though she may sometimes not feel that way. I would hate it if a suitor for my daughter watched porn. I would see red flags!

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    1. Thanks, Mary. Yes, I tell my daughters that should be a deal breaker. I think Rae likes the protectiveness. I think.

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  26. Makes me wish my dad wrote poetry... :)

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    1. Thanks, but I'm sure my daughters didn't like it when I dragged them to poetry readings, so there's also a downside.

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  27. This is great, if I didnt' know better, I might think you are my husband are friends. I think I need to send him this link. My daughters' potential dates/boyfriends not only have dad to deal with but at least 10 uncles and several adult cousins to be interrogated by, haha.

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  28. I hope you don't mind but I posted the link to this poem on my husband's facebook. It was so like something he would say, I knew he'd like it too.

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    1. Thanks, I'd consider than an honor! Your husband sounds alright with me!

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  29. Oh, Mosk. I will be stealing this in a few years. Perfect, perfect.

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