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Thursday, March 14, 2013

Personal Revisionist History (a cinquain)

Virgin,
threw it away,
now she pees on the stick,
hoping she can recast him as
perfect.

[Written for #FormForAll at www.dversepoets.com - my 2nd favorite poetry site, after my own.]


59 comments:

  1. Fantastic - great story in a short form.

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  2. ha...got it only after seeing the pic...nicely done mosk

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  3. ugh...had this in real life at school this month...a few times....scary reality for 17 year olds....

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  4. You've said it as it is!

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    Replies
    1. Seen it too many times myself.

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  5. pink or blue? concise cinquain;)

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks, this was a documentary.

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  7. I never knew its that simple now ~ Good work on the form ~

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    1. Thanks - I love this form - easy to read, less so to write.

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  8. Wow... that is very powerful. Captures it perfectly.

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  9. ... Wow! She's got a screw loose in her head!

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    1. That's what I told her, but who am I, except the nice guy that didn't try to sleep with her. :) Thanks!

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  10. Very well done... and so true, thanks for the smile!

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  11. ...at first i find this intriguing... then i play the vid... now i say... 'tis true... 'tis perfect... loved your take... smiles,,,

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  12. ...at first i find this intriguing... then i play the vid... now i say... 'tis true... 'tis perfect... loved your take... smiles,,,

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    1. Thanks Kelvin. This was very close to my heart and spleen.

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  13. Aww, poor girl, and I can't help but laugh. The title kills me!

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    1. It's just so predictable- thanks, Mosk

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  14. bloody brilliant!!!

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    1. Thanks Jane. I appreciate your enthusiasm.

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  15. Sad that it's true... I love the bluntness of her thoughts.

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    1. Thanks, and it was a challenge to not overwrite.

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  16. That's quite a story in a few syllables!

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  17. Yep...it's all easy!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, but the regret sometimes doesn't cooperate.

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  18. Bruddah mine,
    This was quite revealing. As always, she is stuck with the stick and the shtick of worrying. The reference, "threw it away," very direct in meaning. Helluva good job! Your sistah, Ameleh
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2013/03/15/cinquains-amy-tackles-a-form/

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    1. Ameleh - Some people give away their virginity - I couldn't get any takers until I was a month shy of 20, and mostly she took pity on me. Yes, she's stuck and trying to right a wrong after the fact.

      When I see beautiful young women with these schlumpo loser guys, I figure this is what happened, yo brudda in verse, Mosk

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    2. Hey, I was well in 19 myself, and he was the worst boyfriend you could imagine: A Catholic priest!! Oy, now I understand why my little Volvo was smashed by a nun in a Buick.

      But I really wanted someone to "love me and leave me," since I had no sense of self-worth. And he really, really needed a confidential lay. wink Ameleh

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  19. Very good, and I love it.

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  20. Like a punch in the gut, Buddah. Really well written - every word adds to the image you've painted. Why did she do it, and why blue?

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    Replies
    1. Why did she do it? Horniness probably. The blue is probably the result of tons of market research.

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  21. Shortest verse novel I ever read!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your high praise!

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  22. Brilliant work Buddah. What a creative cinquain! Loved the picture in the video too.

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  23. Arghhhh, post-hoc rationalizations, how ugly, how common. How sad. Nicely done in such short space!

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    1. It's too common as I see it. Thanks.

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  24. so much punch packed into such a tight form. marvelously woven.

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  25. Amazingly poignant! :)

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  26. Anonymous6:04 PM

    Well, by the time I got here, everyone has already said what I'd thought of saying. :) So marvelously done . .thank you, poet friend!!
    p.s. This is kind of an off the wall add on, but I suddenly remembered our oldest telling about how a guy in her biology class volunteered his urine to run tests on. He came up pregnant. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, and that's a whole different kind of immaculate conception!

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  27. A poem and story in short form; very well executed! And with humor, at that! Nicely done.

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    1. Thanks, and I see it as dark humor at best.

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  28. Amazing, short yet powerful and effective. Well written, my friend, well written.

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  29. Agree with all preceding comments -tight and power packed - now that I know where to find you be seeing you at dVerse :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, yes, when you impose a boundary, everything gets more intense.

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  30. ouch. that cinquain hurt. bravo.

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    Replies
    1. That's what *she* said. Thanks.

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