Pages

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Deathbed Confession (Stream of Consciousness Poem)


I used to fall asleep
imagining I could fly.

I’d walk to the cliff
shift my weight
my limbs became wings
and it was simple,
just gliding down
to the valley
and I’d be asleep long before
I reach the bottom,

but that trick doesn’t work
any more.

There is ever
a beat,
a rhythm
carrying on
like an acid drum loop

boom boom-shakalala
chaka-che-boo-che-leh

and I think
I must capture this
and attach my name to it -

I’m invisible
most of the day
so when I sense something
will reveal me
I wrap myself in it
and hope it will
freak out the squares
and incite the freaks
to wave their flags for me.

I want to be
the rebel outsider
who made it past the
boundaries of convention
but still is
paradoxically
loved.

Just give me
a supercomputer,
all the creative software available,
and time enough,
and I’ll create
an argument
why you should love me.

And you just might,

but now I’m going to ruin it
with the deathbed
confession:

I’m about carnality.

From the first conscious sensation
-that nagging erection what wakes me
as I muse about places he’s been-
to counting the hours until
I get to eat again,
and how should I spend my calories
because I’m fat
fat
obese and fat,
and that makes me instantly
unloveable,

I am just trying
to satiate my appetite.

So point me to
that pizza buffet
that always says
“I love you,”
to that sugar glazed anything
that coos
“lick me into submission
and swallow me whole
and let the crumbs fall
light and fun
on your lip and chin.”

The food never denies me,
food has never let me down.

I recognize it
as love in it’s purest,
most self-sacrificial form:

consumable.

(Written for #MeetingTheBar at http://dversepoets.com/ - the best poetry site in the world!)

38 comments:

  1. ...I keep looking for the "Like" button. Round of applause for this one, from me, to you. ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks - I wasn't sure if I should post it, so thanks for the vote of confidence.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree. This is great, Mosk. I can really relate to this powerful line-

    I’m invisible
    most of the day

    ... and the ending is divine.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, my friend. All roads lead to food for me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is wonderful...very raw, very honest. Have to say my favorite lines are:

    to that sugar glazed anything
    that coos
    “lick me into submission

    Love this!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you - yes, this is the unfiltered Moskowitz. Easy to see why he never got too many 2nd dates.

      Delete
  6. This a wonderful - poignant but wonderful Mosk ... brave write.

    http://aleapingelephant.blogspot.ca/2012/05/drinking-from-mania-cup.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, my friend. I appreciate your kind words.

      Delete
  7. haha i dont mind licking a donut into submission you know...i really like..

    Just give me
    a supercomputer,
    all the creative software available,
    and time enough,
    and I’ll create
    an argument
    why you should love me

    but i am glad you confessed as there is no need to impress better they love you for who you are...smiles. hey waving my flag for you brother...smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you my freak flying brother!

      Delete
  8. I love the twists and turns you take us on in this one, the subtle connections between flying and sex and food. A true confession of the human mind so well written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You call that subtle" :) Thanks so much!- Mosk

      Delete
  9. wow..honest and tight write mosk...esp. the rebel part spoke to me...you know already..ha and at times, i would love to be invisible as well..like frodo in lord of the rings..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks - yes, that's the superpower I covet: invisibility!

      Delete
  10. As a lover of "sugar glazed anything," I was fortunate that all that crap started to give me heartburn after menopause. Ditto french fries and onion rings. Bruddah, you're in California! Do you know how jealous I am that there's a Mango Man on every freakin' corner? All the fresh fruits and veggies you want, all year long? You could become a health food junkie. Or not. I'm just sayin because I love you and want you to live a long, long time... your sistah, Ameleh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's a Mango Man? I live in the Inland Empire, not Malibu! Or SF! I was a strict vegan for a year in college. No animal nuthin! I had great health, but it was very inconvenient. All it took was one afternoon, running late, a drive-thru and a Bacon Cheeseburger to throw me off the wagon! Ah, my youth, my colon!

      Delete
  11. Fantastic - I too was looking for a like button

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I keep looking for a like button too!

      Delete
  12. I love the honest write...I am all about carnality too in the midst of my work...at least that is what I try to tell myself so I don't get crazy ~

    Well done ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, actually, I think the carnality is in every part of life, perhaps it is joie de vivre or pure gluttony or something in the middle. Thanks for the kind words.

      Delete
  13. Terrific....so raw, heartfelt and honest. I'm always amazed by how much we reveal by writing poetry...it's scary sometimes...great job! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you - yes it is raw, but I did clean it up a little - no one should go into my psyche without a whip and a chair and a raincoat.

      Delete
  14. "I want to be
    the rebel outsider
    who made it past the
    boundaries of convention
    but still is
    paradoxically
    loved."

    And so you are.
    Another zinger, Mosk. Keep up the great work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Zouxzouz - I know I put the world into an impossible place "love this unloveable one." Believe me, I love and value every one who reads my work and finds something of value in it.

      Delete
  15. Excellent, Mosk - a powerful, vulnerable piece! (Sounds like an oxymoron, no?) :-))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not a bit - I believe in Leo Rosten's quote that says something like: cruelty comes from those who are weak, gentleness can only be expected from the strong. Thanks for your kind note.

      Delete
  16. Excellent -- powerful, vulnerable piece, Mosk! :-) Sounds like an oxymoron, no? :-))

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is a crazy trip - and I love the squares and the freaks and the flags. Oh and sex and food...wow...this is just amazing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much - if you only knew the connection I have with both food and sex. (See "Once I Had a Secret Love" http://www.virtualpoetryreading.com/bm5.html )

      Delete
  18. Loved all the dots that connected in this. I'd love a super computer too. I can build one from an empty box with all the right parts, program them too, but, I sure would love to write the code or some such to make them do so much more! LOL
    Love the sex/food/flying ...it's all connected, really.
    Wonderful flow of thought all through this. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your kind comments. It's all connected in me!

      Delete
  19. Honest and powerful stuff here! Good, strong write.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow. What a raw, powerful, emotional piece! Very honest and rings so true. Food and emotion are so intimately connected. Sex, power, nurturing, etc. So many of us use it to get a quick fix for what we feel we don't have, myself included. When I was a teen, I refused to eat sometimes just to exert my independence over my father! We humans can turn anything into psychological weapons!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous7:23 PM

    I love all of this . .. and you too! Please keep writing and revealing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Deathbed confession is funny. And there's the two powerful basic drives, sex and death, that's very much part of the unconscious.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Good strong write indeed - lovely journey through your thought.

    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'll tell you a secret: I've always liked big ole teddy bears. A man should have a good appetite.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Excellent, Sir. Especially love:
    "so when I sense something
    will reveal me
    I wrap myself in it
    and hope it will
    freak out the squares
    and incite the freaks
    to wave their flags for me."
    :)

    ReplyDelete