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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Fire Sale at the Misery Factory!

Everything Must Go!

After 46 years
in the same location,
the Misery Factory
is closing its doors
for good
and I’m practically
giving away
my inventory!

This handy book has
every self-deprecating comment
I ever made
to curry favor and
garner sympathy!

How about a life-sized puzzle
so convoluted and challenging
that only the most obsessive,
insane or
codependent person
would dare solve it?
It’s yours for a song!

Do you need
an extra tube of
Fake Smile?
It works great
to cover the all scars-
either accidental
or self-inflicted!

Yes, the Misery Factory
is closing its doors
forever
so let the madness begin!

And, for you collectors,
there’s my Classic Guilt Machine,
guaranteed to keep working
even in your sleep!
It sets up in an instant
and never really folds up neatly
for easy storage.

For that hard-to-shop-for person
on your list,
get the very same whip I used
to flagellate myself
anytime I didn’t reach
my target weight
or got a bad grade in school
or simply misspoke.

And remember,
with each purchase
from The Misery Factory
you’ll get a free mp3 download
of negative self-talk,
perfect for the car,
the gym, or anywhere!

Goodbye letters
in scented envelopes,

rough drafts of painful apologies,

even the restraining orders
for the man
who tried to kill me
after I slept
with his wife.

It's all here
and it all must go!

(Posted for #OpenLinkNight at dversepoets.com - come on along and play!)

33 comments:

  1. I.Love.This.
    Laugh out loud funny, poignant and profound. A good description of YOU, actually, any day. ;)

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  2. well now...might as well share all the pain and all the tricks...i keep the smile glue handy just in case...its good to unload all of that...you dont need it...just think of how pretty the sun will look in the morning...smiles

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    Replies
    1. Right on - Everything Must Go!

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  3. You do have a lot of baggage to unload! I hear its better to do that when you still have several years to celebrate your freedom.

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    Replies
    1. How true - better late than never!

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  4. This is so profoundly real !! Maybe it's time to find your inner nomad, I'm having the same fire sale after only 26 years. I really enjoyed this incredible write!

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    Replies
    1. Only 26 years? You're far wiser than I!

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  5. Oh goodness. This is inspired and cringe-inducingly true for many of us, I'm certain. No reasonable offer refused! Easy terms! Buy now and receive absolutely free as our gift to you, this beautiful collector's set of embarrassing memories!

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    Replies
    1. I have such low self-esteem that even bad offers are accepted! Thanks Shay!

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  6. I absolutely love this! Such a creative way to deal with all that negative self-talk self-loathing misery!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm tired of holding onto it! Yours for a song!

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  7. If you accept hugs as currency, I'm buying (even though I already have most of the products you're selling, having two of each never hurt anybody...right?) Love it! Felt it! SOLD!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! and you overpaid, here are some hugs as your change. :)

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  8. Brave you! Clever you! Try E Bay if you can't sell anything here. #teasing...Fun reading...but are you sure?

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    Replies
    1. Thanks- Ebay! Now you're talking. :)

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  9. Can we trade negative talk tapes? :) :)

    You SO rock!!! You shared a bit of us all here and it warms the soul with laughter the way you wrote this.

    Now, liquidate and retire to the beach of love!!!

    And guess what? YOUR sidebar link "Awesome Blogger" button is now up on my site. I have plans for an edit to it, if I can manage. I'm sure the New York Dolls are part of the breath we are all breathed from.

    xo

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jannie! Yes, I'll talk your tapes and remix them into something rockin. Take mine if you're low on kvetching. :) btw - The Dolls were sent from heaven, and I hope they stay here for many years!

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  10. What a man. <3 You keep going, Mosk. XOX

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  11. What a man. <3

    Diana

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  12. Good reminder for all of us, I think, to at some time clean house with all the 'miseries' we have harbored over the years! Thought-provoking.

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    Replies
    1. Just because it's my baggage doesn't mean I have to keep it - thanks!

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  13. Yes, time to unclutter...really this time ;)

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    Replies
    1. Let's trade miseries! I'm sure you'll find mine comically tragic! Thanks!

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  14. Oh mi gawd. Fn hilarious

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  15. whew that's a lot to get rid of. how much lighter do you feel now? :)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, but I still have a 39 inch waist. :(

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  16. Standing up and applauding. You write poems I wish I had written.

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    Replies
    1. From you, I'm honored, thanks, Kimolisa!

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