Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Thank-You Notes Never Sent

Thank you to her father
for leaving immediately
thereby planting the seeds of self-doubt
and for the occasional tortured visits
that made you stay away even more
and an even bigger thank you now
for taking no responsibility
for your absence
when asked 35 years later.

Thank you to her mother
for forgetting about her while you
squandered the family purse
in search of end time prophecy
in the holy land
and for introducing her to
the man who would molest her
in the golf clubhouse
and an even bigger thank you now
for still ignoring to her
right to her face
with an empty smile at every holiday.

Thank you to her ex-husband
for being the life of the party
by making her his punchline
especially after all the time
she told you how much it hurt
and an even bigger thank you now
when you take her kids every other weekend
for their quality time of
videogames and sugary cereal
with their willfully illiterate father.

Thank you to her ex-in-laws
because she felt like she was
finally part of a family and
even though it wasn't paradise
she did feel loved
and an even bigger thank you for
completely shutting her
out of your lives when
she finally got up the courage
to leave your shitheel son
and break the cycle.

Thank you one and all
because you've made it a real challenge
for her to accept
her own lovability,
her own worth

(she's not even sure of
the love of her own children
much less her second husband),

so I say thank you
because your callous indifference,
your malignant neglect

has made me
to her,

because I will always love her
and take care of her
and treasure her

because I know the value
of a good, decent person.

It takes one to know one.

[Posted for #OpenLinkNight at - come and poem yourself into a tizzy!]


  1. helll yes long you kept that one pent up....ugh....heck, at least it brought you together and you can show her what love is...even when it is hard...we need more men willing to stand int hat gap...

  2. Jesus, Mosk, this is a shadow of my first marriage in many ways. I am grateful Lex's first wife threw things at him because I never lift a finger or hold up a palm, and every day he feels safer, even after 14 years, it's still a process. And the same with him.

    You are a jewel of a man, and I hope the trust grows and grows as life continues for your family. I agree - you are SOOOO worth it. But then, I'm prejudiced! Love, your sistah, Ameleh (back from Computer Hell and posting. Took first two days to read a bit on the Web)

  3. I've never had the thought of writing a thank you note to bad or challenging encounters bit of life. It's not nice to experience them, but I guess there are things to take away from them and sometimes lead to better things. Thanks for this insightful write.

  4. I do a little notebook that will never see the light of day. Have done this for a very long and me should get together and see if we can't work up the nerve to send copies to all offending parties. Thank god for folks like you who can look beyond the foolishness that tends to swallow up self-trust and confidence. We think of ourselves so often as the way other have trained our brains...only because we trusted them enough to let them in. The bad outnumbers the good in this world, but every so often, two from the same team come together, and the union is beautiful and the power of good is multiplied...that how we defeat the good sticking together. Awesome post...I've written a book to prove it! Loved it!

  5. You know, Mosk, you say it like it is.....and I appreciate that. I have a helluva lot of similar thank you notes I could write. Thank you for being you.

  6. ugh...sounds like she had a tough life...glad she found you and has your love...def. needs a lot of healing..

  7. strong piece. Love the backhanded thank-yous, so passionately fueled, but what I really love is how, albeit backhanded, the thank yous are sincere in that she's now with you, where things will be great. Fantastic read.

  8. Anonymous11:02 PM

    O, you sweet man...for loving her so, protecting her as you do. And best for realizing the treasure you have. You are a treasure yourself. I love this poem!!!

  9. yikes. you make me glad i've never wronged you, mosk. :) your pen is dipped in poison ink, strong and pointy. powerful write.

  10. Fabulous...
    I wrote and delivered a thank you note to my alcoholic, abusive father when I was in my early thirties and learning how to heal. The tone was different than this, but my-oh-my, was it ever liberating!

  11. Love the way you turn the thank you's not sent into a sting in the tail - the good that has come out of so much pain and wrong. It takes one to know one, and takes one to love one...

  12. Anonymous2:08 PM

    Tears from me. And a thank you to you, for writing this, for loving her because you both are so worth it. deb

  13. I love this poem so much it hurts. XOXOX