Thursday, May 30, 2013

Balboa Island Sky

She sang beautiful
and promising words,
ocean blue,
cool and foamy
under that bright
Balboa Island sky.

He reached up,
caught her melody
in mid-flight,
and rubbed it
deep into his skin--
it smelled
bruising sweet
like coconut-scented
suntan oil.  

He swooned,
and for a moment,
he forgot
that he looked
the same way
sulphury, rotten eggs
smelled.

Years later
he found her
on Amazon.com,
having published
a children’s book
in Austria,
and he wanted
to contact her,
to show her
who she’d dismissed
decades ago,

but remembering
that he’d only gotten
fatter,
and that the songs
of his youth

-even the ones
he’d written her-

now sounded
like cheap wine
gone sour,

he thought
better of contacting
her

and decided to
write this instead.

[Written for #meetingthebar at www.dversepoets.com - c'mon, c'mon c'mon!]

27 comments:

  1. love the catching her melody in mid-flight and the coconut-scented sun tan...and maybe you should've contacted her anyway...just for talking about old times...and the one or other smile..smiles

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    1. Thanks - yes, her melody had a Tennessee accent too.

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  2. Ah this was great :-) a better choice than those old poems I guess... I liked all your sensory mixes but especially

    he looked
    the same way
    sulphury, rotten eggs
    smelled.

    smiles

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    1. Thanks - that's how I'd describe him (me).

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  3. nice...i like the catching her melody and rubbing it deep into his skin....eww on the eggs...and perhaps some are just best left in our past eh? smiles.

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    1. Thanks, Brian, peee-eww on the eggs too.

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  4. Smiles. This reminds me of my teen years, summers spent at Balboa or Newport, thought of all those who were so important to me then and now? Where are they. Fun write.

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    1. Thanks, this was May 1984 and her name was Charise.

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  5. Buddah, we have all been there I think. I like sensory language here. You did an excellent write to the prompt.

    Pamela

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    1. Thanks, I suspect we've all been there - some of us spent a week there one afternoon.

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  6. A most excellent response to the prompt, we all have to move past the woulda, shoulda, coulda beens !! and after all you did her memory proud with an outstanding poem !! Well Done !!

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    1. Thanks, and to be honest, I haven't thought about her in years.

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  7. I like a bit of tongue-in-cheek self-deprecation :-) with a hint of melancholy and drizzled with Coppertone.

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    1. Thanks, that's my life: melancholy and Coppertone.

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  8. haha... don't we all hang onto someone?

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    1. Ha! I didn't see her again after that semester of college was over! Ah, 1984!

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  9. I like the retelling specially the catching of her melody and rubbing it on her skin ~ The realization hits hard, like cheap wine gone sour ~ Enjoyed this ~

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    1. Yes, she thought I was "special." However, special cuts a lot of different ways. Thanks.

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  10. Sometimes it's best to let bygones be bygones...... Loved this story. I am assuming it is based on reality.

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    1. Thanks, and yes, being a documentarian of myself, it's all true.

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  11. I love the imagery in this. you did a lovely job touching on the different senses.

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    1. Thanks, I tried and think I did ok describing him as looking like the way rotten eggs smelled. Now that's funny!

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  12. cheap wine gone sour, yummmmm :D

    nice verse

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  13. ...and we are the better off for you having written this wonderful piece. Wonderfully written. -Mike

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  14. Loved the opening stanza, and "sulphur" appeals to some. A highlight of visiting New Zealand is to visit the geysers and therapeutic mud pools - all of which are accompanied by a strong smell of sulphur...I've grown to really quite like it!

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  15. ...or maybe some things in life are better wrong... aww... that was deep & affecting... & the bitterness is tangible... when misery laughs... everything tends to follow & joy the fun of breaking a heart... smiles... loved your take & your tale...

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  16. oh, this is wistful and sad, Mosk. but i loved the feel of that second verse, even though i don't like the smell of coconut. :)

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