Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Independence Day, One Day Early (July 3, 1994)

Ironically,
the day before I left
was one of the
best days
of our marriage.

(Maybe she already knew
how the trial separation
was going to end.)

Like comrades celebrating
before heading off
to battle,
we laughed,
we ate,
we stayed up late talking,
not wanting to see
past that evening,
because I suspected
the next day
would be our last.

That Sunday morning
we lingered in bed,
silent, save for the
radio whispering
painfully naive
love songs;
neither one of us
wanted to be
the first one
to start the day.

Finally,
I inhaled, got up,
and wordlessly began
collecting my things.
(Thankfully,
we didn’t acquire
very much community property
during this four month
failed experiment.)

She got up
and began preparing
herself
to go to work
(she wasn’t fooling me,
I knew she was going
to see him).

I almost made it
out the door,
when the radio played
our wedding song.
Neither of us cried,
we just found each other
and hugged
until it was over,
and I whispered
“maybe this
will only be
for a little while,”

and that was
the last comforting lie
I told myself
that season.


(For dversepoets.com - where I find my poetic oasis in this wasteland called the internet.]

33 comments:

  1. the last comforting lie...like that last time together...one last hurrah before the after...kinda bitter sweet....

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    1. Thanks, and as time went on, the bitter won out. Ah, 1994 - a bad summer for me and OJ.

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  2. maybe you slap me for this comment....but it's like when you have an appointment at the hairdresser....that very day, your hair just seem to be outer-space perfect... a felt and honest peace mosk

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    1. I would never slap you - I understand what you mean - just unfortunate timing. Thanks.

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  3. A slice of real life here, Mosk. Sometimes even when one knows the ending is inevitable there is hope that a bit of joy will linger a little longer. The emotion came through so strongly in this poem. I was caught up in the moment, in the feelings.

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    1. Thank you - yes, tomorrow marks 19 years. Wow. I wonder whatever became of this woman who I promised to love, honor and cherish until death do we part?

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  4. This is just perfect... and I got tears in my eyes.. it's sad, but still that seed (you know what I mean) could be planted and grow elsewhere.... or if she took the only seed.

    Touched me a lot.

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  5. My ex and I share some farewell lies. It had to end and I'm glad it wasn't ugly, just sad. Very much like how you write.

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  6. Brudda mine, four months and poof... marriage is the hardest of all experiments, I believe. I have similar memories of my first marriage as well, don't we all?

    The last line just KILLED ME. You nailed it to the wall, because there is a vulnerability in you that is at once endearing and honest. I loved every moment of this, even when it hurt. Your sistah, Ameleh

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    1. Mine wasn't a marriage - it was a cry for help. She was from a traditional Vietnamese family and couldn't move out of her house unless she was married, so she married me- and it wasn't impulsive, we had been dating for near 7 years. Just a huge fuckin' mess.

      I remember going to the apartment after I left to get some more of my belongings and I found "their" condoms in "my" medicine cabinet. The nerve! I was going to use straight pins to prick holes in them, but cooler heads prevailed.

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  7. I like it when you write from your real life experiences. The ending lines just nailed it for me ~

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    1. Thanks, that last line surprised me when I wrote it.

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  8. Yowza yowza yowza. Yowza. And that last line. For some reason I just hear Joy Division, Love will tear us apart...

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    1. Thanks, I never heard that song before, I'll look it up.

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  9. I appreciate the raw and honest you share in your words. My heart feels speechless, somehow. There is something sad in endings...no matter how doomed they are from the start. In my experience, at least.

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    1. Thanks, didn't seem doomed, but then again, I wasn't looking for doom. :)

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  10. Ah, Mosk...this is such a brave write...and a sad one. Love doesn't always last...but I firmly believe two people are placed in each other's path for a reason...I'll just shut up now...you are wonderful, honey! ~jackie~

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    1. Oh, yes, I was in her life for a reason: to get her out of her parent's house. She was in my life for a reason: to make me even more cynical about women's motives. :) Thanks for your kind words.

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  11. Bittersweet and quite poignant, Buddah. We have all experienced different types of love, and hopefully in the end we are connected with our one true partner. I have found mine, and I am grateful. 18 years this month.

    Pamela

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    1. I know how you feel, I've been with my soul mate for 12 years. thanks for your kind comments.

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  12. Oh, Mosk, so poignant and raw. Beautifully crafted!

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    1. Thank You, raw was the condition of my heart.

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  13. Oh my word. That last line is a stunner. So well done. Add a few months, some drug use, and more than one woman on the other end, and I had this experience.

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    1. thanks pal. I'm glad something positive came of all this.

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  14. That's actually not such a bad way to end things, it doesn't seem to me. Bittersweet.

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    1. Oh sure it started out bittersweet it turned out to be a study of greed, avarice and forgery. I almost had to have her arrested, but that's another poem.

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  15. Oh, this made me cry. I think that it would have been full blown sobbing if she hadn't been leaving to go to someone else. That line seemed almost merciful to me since I was not in a sobbing mood tonight. Beautiful and sad and wonderfully written.

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    1. Thank You, it was a hell of a time, and I'm glad it meant something to you. I'm glad now it is just a memory.

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  16. Touching and very civilized. If only more endings could go so well.

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    1. I was trying to retain as much dignity as possible, as much dignity as a cuckold could have.

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  17. Bittersweet... full of emotion. I was kind of hoping that they'd decide to stay together. Nicely done.

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  18. So did I, but this is how it happened to me. Pure documentary. Thanks.

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