Thursday, July 25, 2013

Male Socialization (for Roy Levosh)

Don’t oversleep
don’t curse the alarm clock
don’t wake up the others

don’t go to work without shaving
don’t wear that tie with those pants
don’t leave without kissing her goodbye

don’t drive like a maniac
don’t get in an accident
don’t be late to the office

don’t be unproductive
don’t go to non-work-related websites
don’t daydream about sex

don’t skip lunch
don’t eat any trans fats
don’t talk to any other guys at the urinal

don’t be unprepared for your meeting
don’t tell your boss what you really think
don’t leave until after the boss does

don’t forget to call and ask if she needs anything
don’t bring your work home with you
don’t ignore the kids

don’t take it out on the kids
don’t fight it if she wants to take a walk after dinner
don’t hog the remote

don’t go to bed without taking a shower
don’t forget she needs foreplay
don’t knead her breasts like dough

don’t come too soon
don’t come before she does
don’t roll over and fall asleep as soon as you’re finished

don’t fall asleep if she wants to talk
don’t leave the tv on all night
don’t forget to say your prayers.

[Posted for #MeetingTheBar - List Poetry - where poetlove floweth freely!]


  1. haha. dont tell the boss what you really think...and dont put that on a post it note on your computer to remind you...def stay awake to talk or you might have to resort to those day dreams...smiles...foreplay, thats the fun do you repeat this every day...i might need to print it out and put it on my mirror...smiles.

  2. That's some pretty good advice!

  3. Fine advice, it looks like to me.

    Many of these apply to females as well, including not going to work without shaving! Nothing's worse than stubbly legs.

  4. And the list goes on and on, for both men and women. Now write a follow up: don't forget to! Fun, Mosk.

  5. whoop... the ultimate reprimanding list... great..

  6. haha... what a list... so if you come before her just make sure she comes as well and all is fine...smiles

  7. you poor men need a lot of help don't you? 'wink' this is such a fun, quirky piece.

  8. Ha..ha....hilarious Mosk ~ I love it ~

    Have a good weekend ~

  9. And don't be unhappy!

    Ha - what a list! Isn't it amazing how we can define our lives by all the things we shouldn't do?

  10. You have earned yourself the title of Ideal Husband.

  11. I...I think I'm going to hell. ;)

  12. A fun(ny) read-- this one brought a smile to me face! DON'T forget to have a great weekend :) ~Jason

  13. This was a funny list of don't...some of them wise as well.

  14. That was one bad thing about not having a Father around.
    Got the strangest looks at the Urinal when I talked about the weather. :) Love Ya.

  15. Wow, now THAT is a list...and if you can follow all of those, you truly are a saint!! Great capture!

  16. This is priceless! OMG so many messages. I remember having a huge list of don'ts in corporate America. So glad to be mostly free now.

  17. Oh the constraints... don't live your life like that!

  18. Man, this should be required reading for all American males, especially the lines about sex! There is a combination of bossiness, cynicism, and irony that really works for me, babe. I loved this, but I wonder how Roy feels...! Ameleh

  19. Priceless! I'm still trying to learn a bunch of these...

  20. Priceless! I'm still trying to learn a bunch of these...