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Thursday, June 21, 2012

A Somewhere Else (Adultery Suite, Part Two, 1999)

When she met me
in Seattle
that Saturday
it was paradise.

Isolated,
unreal
dreamlike,
we walked and talked
and got lost in
a somewhere else;
a somewhere that seemed
blissfully unaware
of all the realities
awaiting my return.

On Wednesday
the drive back to
the airport was terrible.
Every song played on
the rental car radio
underlined the impossibility
of this immature,
demanding love.

Once I was safely on the plane
with my heart in my throat,
I wrote every detail
of the weekend
and then shut the book
and held it tightly
to my chest,

hoping that my writing
would exorcise
the yearnings and guilt
long before I got home.

But, the yearning and the guilt
remained with me
and reminded me
of my scarlet adultery
every time I walked
back through that door

to a place
I would go back to
many times in the
next two years

but never really return.

(For #MeetingTheBar  at http://dversepoets.com/)

49 comments:

  1. You lay out the complexities of a "forbidden" relationship and the conflicting feelings of want and guilt using the door to that room in an effective, symbolic way. Thanks for sharing, Buddah.

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    1. Thanks, I suffered for my art- now, it's your turn.

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  2. but never really return...ugh....that captures well that empty feeling...when part of you is still elsewhere and its place is filled with guilt...nice write sir...

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  3. Well put, the conflicting emotions and the past that is lost forever..

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    1. Too much damage done to too many people. Never again. Thanks.

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  4. but never really return

    ... I guess once you're heart is with someone else, it's hard to return. You've captured those feelings well.

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    1. Thanks - I do this as a public service - so that others may may experience this only vicariously.

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  5. When this little Catholic girl was married, and not digging it very much, I expressed to an older male friend that I stayed because God wanted me to. (Okay, so this was a younger, different me). He said, very heatedly, "How do you KNOW God wants you to?" Something in his emotional and unexpected response sank in. I've never done another damn thing just because i was "supposed" to. I'm not saying adultery is a good thing, but I am saying that every person's life is ultimately their own and no one else's. Anyway, you painted a difficult situation vividly.

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    1. Thanks so much - also thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, every person's life is ultimately their own, but I do try to do as little damage as possible. As a sociologist. I realize that so many of the mores and values inculcated in society are culture-specific, and inherently human (read: corruptible). I still say the Golden Rule is best, if not, then modify it to "Always treat others *better* than you treat yourself." Couldn't hurt.

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  6. this is really well written...great capture of the emotions, the guilt, the wanting to continue...and the closure is just great mosk

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    1. And although that was 13 years ago, I still feel the guilt. Thanks, Mosk

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    2. Guilt is something that a Catholic upbringing instilled in us, never to be exorcised. Your poem was truly in that tradition, and it obviously hurt you to write it. Which might explain why you wrote it so well.

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  7. Oh, this is so deeply moving.
    I can only imagine the guilt you were feeling and yet, the excitement of a secret love affair too. I lived with someone for 21 years but for the last 10 of them were were as companions, friends, didn't speak, didn't argue, just existed and, that isn't life at all.
    I'm so glad you're happy now :)

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    1. Thank you. When I was there I was into year five of what was ultimately a seven year companion-type relationship. Yes, it wasn't a life at all. Much happier now, :) mosk

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  8. adultery is not a sin any more...
    great story... unforgetful times like those should be blessed or should they not?

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    1. I still think adultery is a sin - if only because at it's heart is usually deception. I was blessed by this unforgettable time, and never will forget that painful aftermath. Thanks.

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  9. Well done my friend.. it really did start (the poem and the scenario) innocently enough...

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    1. Thanks. Yes, everything bad usually starts innocently enough...

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  10. There is always the two sides to every coin, isn't there? Price to pay. Well set out.

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    1. I'm not exactly sure, but I'm sure there are at least five sides to a coin (head, tails, outer rim, inside, outside, etc)

      Thanks.

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  11. Excellent write! You capture the feelings of the situation perfectly.

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    1. Thanks, yes I remember it all too well.

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  12. Whoa! this is fantastic writing, kiddo! I resonate with the place you kept going back to, without ever really returning.

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    1. Yes, I was haunted every time I came home to a place I was still calling our home.

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  13. Honest view of one side of an affair. Well done.

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    1. Thank you - helps me feel like I salvaged something good out of something bad.

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  14. I always enjoy your personal journeys, something which I struggle because I like my privacy ~ Let us say, I know your story well ~

    Happy day to you ~

    aka Heaven)

    http://everydayamazin.blogspot.ca/2012/06/from-my-window.html

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    1. Thanks, Grace. Happy day to you as well.

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  15. Love your sparse, lyrical lines and that last one: never really return. emphatic ending.

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    1. Thanks Ginn3music - that just wrote itself.

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  16. You never cease to amaze me!

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    1. Well, then you know how I feel about your writing! Thanks!

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  17. Really nice response here. Such a strong illustration of place here Thanks

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    1. Thanks Fred - Ostensibly it's about Seattle, but more to the point it's about being anywhere else.

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  18. This is real and raw and spare in the writing. A small masterclass in match of style and content.

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    1. Thanks for the kind words, Dave.

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  19. Wonderful words and emotions here...a sense of futility.

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    1. Yes, Janu, it was futile, until I decided to do something about it. Thanks so much.

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  20. I like the air of haunting finality .... the acceptence of what was.

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    1. Thanks Sharon Lee, Yes, all I can do now is accept what it was.

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  21. Replies
    1. Thanks Mystic Mom, I loved your comment. My favorite kind of comment.

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  22. I always appreciate your honesty / candidness. Sometimes it seems a person gets trapped in stuff they know isn't right. Good for you for eventually breaking free and also learning a lesson. (And sharing it.)

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    1. Yes, I saw the trap and thought I could avoid it, stupid me. Thanks, Mosk

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  23. You never seem to fail to impress me when I visit your words. A personal reflection...once bit...

    Good write!

    Cheers,

    Mark Butkus

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    1. Exactly, but I can't say this was my first bite - I'm such a dumb ass. Thanks, Mark!

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