“Funny What Goes Through One’s Mind” (Prompt: Deadly and dangerous poem)

On that sweaty August afternoon

after I committed adultery with

the married psychobitch,

I was driving her back

to where she left her car

and I was in

the fast lane of the freeway,

trying to get this day

over with as soon as possible.

She was still trying

to convince me to ask her

to leave her husband,

but I wasn’t giving in.

Then she did this thing

I only read about

in “Penthouse” magazine

and saw alluded to

in the movies.

Let’s just say

the others drivers

thought I was alone.

I was smug,

then aroused,

and then immediately

panicked

as I realized

the accelerator

in my Honda

was revving

but not speeding up.

I instantly broke out

in a cold sweat

and I heard her

just giggling cluelessly

as she continued

making her case.

“Kim…”

“Kim...”

Then I saw it-

her chest had knocked

the gear shift

out of drive

and into neutral.

I shifted back

and half-sighed

until I saw

the taillights of

the cars ahead

of me

getting closer

faster and faster

and piling up.

Simultaneously,

I slam on the brakes

grab her by the hair

and throw her head back

into the passenger’s seat.

She laughed

with that wicked uncontainable

cackle of the truly

insane,

barely catching her breath,

“OHHH, YES!

THAT WAS GREAT!”

and there I was

parked in the fast lane

on the freeway

drenched in sweat

and jangling from adrenaline,

and the first thing that

came to mind was

“How would I have

explained that to

Allstate?”