Just as we
cannot predict
which hue of blue
the sky will be today,
or how the really
best films
are going to end,
or how sweet
the red-black cherry is,
no one knows
exactly
how this will
turn out.
I couldn’t predict
my world changing
-thunder loud and
lightening fast-
with a phone call,
telling me Pop died
unexpectedly
two days after
his own mother died.
My world was
not just thrown,
but cosmically fucked
off its axis,
my compass pointed
in every direction
and each way ahead
was soft, foggy
and unknown.
Some paths were bright,
some dark gray,
a few even black,
but none of them
were clear.
I got lost trying to find
my way back
to my life before,
until eventually,
I gave up that
search,
realizing
his death
also erased
who I thought
I was.
Only when I accepted
I couldn’t go back,
then I started moving
forward.
Be not afraid
of what the world
and this life have
waiting for you.
Stay open to
the foggy unknown
for one day
it will be
your turn,
and then you’ll be
reunited,
and it’ll all
make sense.
Right now,
however,
it remains
a heartbreaking
mystery.
Written for D'Verse Poets's prompt: Poems To Save a Life
I'm reading yours as the last poem before I go to bed and what a poem to take with me. I love the idea of trying to predict the hue of the sky and the sweetness of a cherry. Life will always take us by surprise and there's nothing we can do about it - except perhaps write about it.
ReplyDelete"...each way ahead was soft, foggy, and unknown..." Yes, you've described it perfectly. And you are irrevocatively changed after a parent dies, and aware of your own mortality. Well done, Buddah.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, this is fantastic! So many favorites. I think I'd better not list them. I will read this multiple times, for sure.
ReplyDeleteWhew. Such powerful language here, Mosk. So well done. So deeply sad.
ReplyDeleteI think this sums up the catastrophic outcome of a single moment. It is the depth of the love that marks the intensity of the grief. XXX
ReplyDeleteI liked the comfort in the words that someday it will make sense even though right now it is a heartbreaking misery. One can't ignore the misery.
ReplyDeleteI felt the angst ... and sensed the hope! Great write.
ReplyDeleteit is indeed. ~
ReplyDeleteI love the cadence of this poem. I love the way the first four stanzas set up the rest of it. I wish I had gotten to read it without being interrupted 12 times! I may have to come back later and read it again.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your dad. It does make one more aware of their own mortality. Well written
ReplyDeletePoignant write. There's so much truth in these lines.
ReplyDeleteMisery? I read Mystery. I really relate to this. "also erased who I thought I was. Never the same, but still here.
ReplyDeleteA friend told me, that the day your father die, you are finally a man (lost and bewildered) and you should never show that hesitation...(just like your father)
ReplyDeleteIn spite of the foggy unknown there is the inner light of hope as the beacon. Nice.
ReplyDeleteThis is so deeply poignant, Mosk!
ReplyDeleteI love this—the way the stanzas stick to each thought, as though trying to work it out. It's a message we can all relate to, finding the way through the fog, but forwards, not backwards.
ReplyDeletePowerful piece. I am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteIt is a heartbreaking misery but somehow we have to keep on going. I'm not quite sure why.
ReplyDeleteFor reasons of my own, I identify quite strongly with your viewpoint in this poem.
ReplyDeleteSome paths were bright,
some dark gray,
a few even black,
but none of them
were clear.
TEGWAR, the exciting game without any rules, and we are all players. It's not a game for sissies, is it? But even if we can never beat the house, it isn't all bad, either.
ReplyDeletela la Mosky
I'm just going to roll around, right here, in this pocket:
ReplyDelete"... or how the really
best films
are going to end,
or how sweet
the red-black cherry is"
Late to the reading -- apologies. Just back from spending 5 days with grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteThis post is quite remarkable for many reasons....I especially like these lines:
"got lost trying to find
my way back
to my life"
It is very interesting that your father died so close to when your mother died. Have you heard of "broken heart syndrome?" It has a more formal name -- something like stress myocardiopathy ... or something like this. I'm wondering if that is what happened. Recently in the news, there is suspicion that this is why Debby Reynolds died so soon after her daughter. I suffered from this (and recovered) a bit after a number of very stressful events. Anyway -- just thought I'd mention it. Your poem is really "on the other side of this" -- in terms of recognizing we must move forward rather than trying to recover and slip into the "behinds" of where we were. So much said in this post....as you can tell from my response, it really made a mark with me.
The beginning is particularly powerful - love the comparisons about how impossible it is to guess at things beforehand.
ReplyDeleteYou've shared a story so deep but you have also given us life lessons, insight and hope. A beautiful offering.
ReplyDelete