She struggles,
a naked, electric nerve
looking for reassurance,
calming succor
that may never come.
Some days
she is braver
and walks onto
the battlefield of
self-hating bullets
and grenades
whizzing by,
landing,
close enough to destroy,
but luckily,
not quite yet.
When they're younger,
we discipline children
into reigning in
their acting out.
When they’re older,
with access to weapons,
booze,
manipulative hustlers and pimps,
I worry about her
acting in –
cutting and suicide –
and beg her to reach out.
On the plus,
she did not renew
the domain name
and website
where she chronicled
her erstwhile journey
to self-destruction.
Whatever tipped that
decision
in her favor,
whether it was
her beloved nephew Oliver,
or the promise of
things unbidden and unseen,
or she just
forgot about it,
good.
[For Real Toads - Post and Read!]
we live in difficult times. good luck with her, Mosk ~
ReplyDeleteHow scary, the minefields of today!
ReplyDeleteWho taught Sarah to hate herself?
ReplyDeleteNo one taught her to hate herself. She has borderline personality disorder.
DeleteI have seen many cases such as this where the person refuses to share his/her pain.. sigh.. 😥
ReplyDeletethere is a tenderness of both concern, clearly and sensitivity - and of course, the pain in being a witness to the unfolding ... and knowing that words ... words can never reach into those deepest of spaces ... that the struggle, the journey must rest within someone's self; it must be so much harder to witness as a parent .... but for every step into a better place, there is hope ...
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to speak sometimes, harder to ask for help... May the spark of hope alive never die...
ReplyDeleteOh, I wish her well. We can never truly know what goes on in the mind of those we love. I know myself I can be laughing on the outside and hell is marking territory within me.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I understand the battle that Sarah has faced. Although, for different reasons. May she continue not to have to deal with this.
ReplyDelete