Tuesday, December 04, 2018

Christmas Present (For the Brokenhearted)

Christmas Past
stays in yellowed,
attic memories,
re-appearing as
days get short
and the nights become
a cold, black
and the ache
in my soul finds
its way
from my childhood
to now.

Christmas Future
invariably promises more-
conspiratorial familial laughter,
opulent –themed rooms,
quiet spiritual contentment-
and predictably,
delivers far less
than my covetous dreaming
could ever imagine.

Both Christmases
are illusions,
yielding only
red and green
pangs of sadness.

This year
I’m foregoing both
and becoming
Christmas Present.

The Christmas Present,
but rather,
fully here
this year.

If I stay present
in this time and place,
I can sidestep
the pain and
the memories
that usually linger
well into
the next year.

Christmas Present
is my gift
to myself
this year.

[Written for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads ]


  1. Dude. This is the best Christmas present/advice EVER!

    I adore the second stanza, especially these lines:
    "conspiratorial familial laughter,
    opulent –themed rooms"

    That last stanza gave me chills. You are so right on, and I am right there with you.

    How can you not look forward to Christmas with that adorableness you've got?! He's the perfect age for enjoying it to the fullest, too. :) And when they're little, they get excited about EVERYTHING. And nothing you can do could ever be wrong or not enough --- they just take in and are elated over everything you give.

  2. Beautifully written. This time of year brings sadness and heartache to so many. As a teacher, we see it reflected in the kids. And this is very good advice!

  3. This is beautifully written, Mosk!­čĺ× I agree the advice you have given here is something to hold on to and cherish.

  4. This is so good — the past and future are such tricky emotions and experiences to navigate, both adding into the despair instead of relinquishing us from the pain. To be able to realize this and deciding to stay in the present and sidestep those memories is beautiful. I really enjoyed the flow and tone of it.

  5. We dim our present with everything we drag into it. Yes, being present is truly a gift.

  6. "Be Here Now"... extremely difficult to maintain such positioning, but so much to be seen and learned, if one can... I really liked this reimagined perspective on the "ghosts", and some wonderful turns of phrase, especially enjoyed "conspiratorial familial laughter". That shit rings in my ears well into Spring. Well written.

  7. You are so right! It is a mistake many of us make in living in the past or planning for the future and somehow missing out of enjoying now.