"These aren't poems. They're more like long-form fortune cookies."
it's so hard to lose the loved one...you captured the essence of emptiness so well here..
Great emptiness and use of space!
Perfectly succinct. I love it when I read a short poem that tells me way more than a poem comprised of word salad that says nothing. Beautiful work, Mosk.
You've portrayed a lot of pain in few words. Nicely done.
Abrupt and powerful... a quick & brutal stab from a short knife. Good work.
Very effective heart/departure rhyme. I like this.~Shawnarosemarymint.wordpress.com
This is a good poem!
Powerful, descriptive write.http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/black-words/
dang...very nice minimalism...yet still carrying the emotion...well played...
Mosk...back to this particular poem...forgive the cavalier initial interpretation .... I didn't feel the pain only the numbed void....lovely from either perspective ....
Your words and the spacing of them define deep pain very well.
I think your minimalist approach makes the absence all the more stark and unsettling. I hope it's a fiction - but if not, I'm sorry.
And you leave it unexplained. Nice.
Thanks everyone for the kind comments, and no it is not autobiographical - kind of. It's more of a "what if". For the genuine words of caring, I am grateful. - Mosk
I have challenged my people to write response poems today and I've chosen to respond to this one, which is adorably sad, I can totally relate. I'm often the one in your point of view, the one who is left behind, but I've chosen to write from the view of the one who leaves. It's in my secondary blog http://theskyclears.blogspot.com/2012/02/detachment.html the one I don't write in translation. Thanks for the inspiration. <3
This is perfect and its brevity really works for it. Loved "as silent as my heart".......