1977 -
In junior high school PE,
I was one of those boys
who wasn’t a great athlete
and I didn’t aspire to be one.
I liked talking to girls
and reading
and listening to records
and daydreaming
and watching
Heckle and Jeckle cartoons.
I dreaded the miscreant sadists
we called “Coach,”
and their misguided attempts
to make men of
"sissy boys" like me
and Armando,
the other overweight Mexican
kid in the group.
Our skinny white classmates
ran like grinning idiots
at these coaches’ command,
but Armando and I
protested as we
walked the track
far behind the pack.
I never understood
why all my classmates
loved this -
even as a kid
I knew it was sweaty,
messy
and not conducive to
learning.
Maybe they were
acting out some homoerotic
army man fantasy
as they bobbed in anticipation
and divided themselves into
teams.
One day, Coach Perez,
the only other Mexican in class
(imagine our betrayal!)
had enough of our apathy,
so he had us lay on our backs
on the blacktop
and do leg lifts,
at 30 degrees
then 60 degrees,
then 90 degree angles
for the entire period.
Our guts burned
but we didn’t
say a word to complain.
We just took it,
silent and stoic –
like men.
For the remainder of the year
we had an unspoken compact
with Coach Perez,
where we would half-try
and he would half leave us alone.
And now, as I see the fattening
of middle school boys
2011
texting girls
plugged into their iPods
and playing Call of Duty
and not wanting to get sweaty,
I smile
at how Armando and I were
ahead of our time.
you were the uncle that I only read about
and saw from a distance
in black and white.
You were sardonic and intelligent
and the first man
I ever wanted to be like.
Your nightly prayer:
“Unborn yesterday, dead tomorrow;
why fret if life be sweet?”
might’ve made
the Buddha smile.
The fact that you
always made the wisest crack
in the room
was awe-inspiring.
Some may have forgotten you,
but I carry you as an iconic ideal,
and keep studying,
in my vain attempt to become you.
In you
I saw a reluctant prophet
whose mission was to deflate
the world’s pomposity,
and in this self-important,
narcissistic society,
it is a calling worth emulating.
I regret that
the only time
we ever met
was at Eden Memorial Park Cemetery,
at your marker,
decorated with
a lone Star of David:
“Groucho Marx,
1890-1977.”